So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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