I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
