everyone is single if you try hard enough
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
