i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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