When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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