Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
