Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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