I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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