dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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