girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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