in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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