Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
