I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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