I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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