Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
