i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
