whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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