It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
