i just wanna soil my oats bro
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize