with your own penis?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
