Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
