Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
