he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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