she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
