well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
