it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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