member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
