I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
