someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
