If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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