the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
