I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
