I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
