The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
