Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize