I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
