Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
