Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
