ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
