Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
