so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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