the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
