New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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