The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
