Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
