Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You can't just leave with hair like that
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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