The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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