I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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