Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
