I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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