Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
