Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
