Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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