I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize