I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
