Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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