so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
