This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
