dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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