the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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