plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
