I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I party with great urgency now.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
