If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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