Dude my mom stole all your condoms
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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