I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
