He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
