So drunk its hurt
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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