I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
