Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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