i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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