And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
