The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
